This time of year (Fall, going into and through winter) is especially tough for me. After losing 8 family members in a 9-year span, I am now down to 1 sister, 1 daughter (both of whom I see rarely), and a mentally ailing father. After our matriarchs passed, my extended families stopped having holiday gatherings, resulting in a painfully lonely Thanksgiving and Christmas for me each year. Then there’s January, which holds death anniversaries for 4 of my family members, the most excruciating one being my husband.
Needless to say I feel the daunting weight of grief start to settle in after Labor Day and grow increasingly heavy throughout the season, making each day—each task—more exhausting. Every Fall and winter I find myself fighting the temptation to just go to bed the day before Thanksgiving and set my alarm for February 1.
This Fall I am diligently working on my next 2-volume book series, hoping to finish Volume 1 by Spring. This is a difficult task when my energy and zeal are at their peak. Trying to complete this project while walking through a grief valley feels overwhelming, to say the least. But nothing is more important to me than fulfilling the mission that God has called me to.
So, I find myself staring at my insufficiency and severely limited strength, and begging Jesus to help me. Through my daily reading this morning in Exodus chapters 1-3, God whispered these reminders to my heavy heart:
God commissioned Moses to be His spokesman to Pharoah and to lead the Israelites out of slavery. Moses felt completely insufficient and far too limited to do what God was calling him to do. But when he expressed his concern to God, Yahweh responded with (Ex. 3:12) “Certainly I will be with you…”
In her book, “Step into Scripture,” Tina Wilson reminds us (on page 46) that “Moses was victorious because of Who was with him, not because of who he was.” She goes on to say, “Our insufficiency is exactly what prepares us to carry out our calling from God…it’s not about what we can do!” My next book series is not dependent on my limited ability. Because God is with me, this is His project too. He will provide the strength needed to complete it.
Friends, our justified American spirit of self-made independence can sometimes blur our very healthy need for spiritual dependence. It’s OK to be totally reliant on God! Apart from Him, we can do nothing (John 15:5). Our insufficiency highlights His sufficiency.
We desperately need to recapture the beauty of child-like dependence on Christ for literally everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). There is true beauty and blessing in insufficiency, when it drives us to the feet of El Shaddai, the all-sufficient source and supplier of our every need. He is enough, friends, and His power is perfected in our weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9).
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